"I'll Tell You What"

      This rhetorical bumper phrase precedes every third utterance coming from a local television analyst’s yap during the baseball game.  “I’ll tell you what, that ball was hammered.”  And moments later, “I’ll tell you what, we could sure use an insurance score.”  “I’ll tell you what” is a stock phrase that conveys nothing.  It is typical bloviation for radio and television broadcasters.  “Needless to say,” as well, enters the barren field of wordiness, yet another needless phrase as common as scum on swamp water.  I’ll tell you what, it is needless to say either of these tautological word wasters.  But I confess that in daily conversation I frequently say, “I’ll tell you,” interspersed among bits of small talk.  At least I am aware of my empty-winded jabbering. 

      “At the end of the day,” hollow expressions are not used to emphasize a point or introduce an idea.  They are used as word noise to move the speaker from one thought to another, an interlude for fuzzy thinkers, and who among us is not, occasionally, an unfocused thinker?  It is surprising how many people say, “I’ll tell you” before they tell you.  Needless to say, at the end of the day, they will tell you what even if they have nothing to say.  Eh? 

      Honestly, why do so many people say or write “honestly” before saying or writing what they say?  Are these candid folks normally dishonest?  In which case, to emphasize the change of behavior for this one time, anyway, they say, “Honestly, I’d rather not tell the truth.”  What?  Are they entering a not guilty plea?  How about beginning a phrase with “dishonestly,” as in: Dishonestly, I’d rather not tell the truth.”  Huh?

      Well, I suppose you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do because it is what it is. That’s what I’m talking about.  Eh?

      So, the other day a robot-caller asked if I wanted a free gift.  Foolishly, I commented that all gifts are free, to which the automated voice said that an added bonus would be included at the end of the day.  What?

      At what point in time did it become blatantly obvious that new innovations would be in fact a passing fad?  No advanced warning, no unexpected surprises would bring us to an end result.  Huh?

      Ah, for the purpose of this message and for the process of writing concise expressions, allow me to quote Gertrude Stein (she who made almost no sense whatsoever), “Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose.”

      I suppose that’s the bottom line, to be honest with you, and with all due respect, it is what it is if you really think about it.  Now I may be picking low-hanging fruit, but blah blah blah.  Blah!

      You know what I’m saying?