The platitudinous candidate begins the press conference by saying, “Make no mistake, I will respond to the charges of taking kickbacks in due time.” Really? Is the audience to conclude the cliché-ridden speaker is guilty or innocent or whatever? Probably the speaker is being emphatic about how forceful and honest he is. Chances are, though, he’s been naughty but refuses to confess. Whatever the case, doesn’t matter, the back and forth is padded, standard gobbledygook. If we believe otherwise, we are making a mistake. An awesome mistake. That’s what I’m talking about.
No, no, the speaker is, needless to say, in regard to, and basically speaking, for all intents and purposes, making an avowal that gives us advanced warning, ah, oh, you know, like, um, words, words, words. Empty words, actually. Really empty. Bare naked words. Totally empty. Epic empty. Word salad. Rhetorical blah-blah-blah, and as a matter of fact, it is what it is. Say no more. And as an added bonus, each and every sudden impulse from the good office-seeker is simply a-Bob’s-your-uncle unexpected surprise. Give me a break if you are about to tell me what is blatantly obvious, okay? Have a nice day. And thank you for your service. Have a free gift on the house.
Alas, what are we to do? How do we escape the white noise of weightless words, the utility of empty suitcases, the nutritional value of cotton candy. Haven’t you heard the daily reply: “No problem”? You ask the clerk to gift wrap your purchase, and the reply comes, “No problem.” Transaction complete, you say, “have a nice day.” Basically, the sum total, if you catch my drift, we unpack empty phrases, leaving them all but void of meaning, of that I am absolutely certain. Bark, bark, bark. Chirp, chirp, chirp.
Make no mistake, no doubt, I too use empty words each and every day. At least that’s the record of my past history. It is blatantly obvious to me, and my personal opinion, if you will, that using most words is in and of itself an empty use of verbiage.
I used to tell my English composition students never to use the word “very” because it detracted from whatever it modified, as in very dead. Dead is dead, of course, and does not need a very to make one even more dead than dead. Very makes what it modifies less very. Of that I am absolutely certain.
Perhaps no phrase is more needless than “needless to say.” That’s a TRUE FACT. I gotta tell you, like, think about it, eh.
I had a sudden impulse with no advanced warning to write about the useless words we use, and I got dizzy tripping over the possible responses.
Have a good day.
I needed some help with a computer problem a few years ago. The young man helping me sort out a problem began every utterance with “Basically,” which immediately made me doubt that he knew what he was doing. Basically, I’m guessing he was new to his job because using basically every sentence is a pretty insulting way to address someone who needs help. Basically, the young man felt the need to lower his advice to my remedial level of computer knowledge. Basically, he was correct about what I knew but didn’t have to rub my ignorance in my face. Have a nice day!
Oh, by the way, one does not need to begin every utterance with, “I’ll tell you what.” Let’s review. If one says, “It is time to leave.” How is that information improved by saying, “I’ll tell you what, it is time to leave”? Done deal. You get my drift.
Peace out. (Whatever the hell that means.)
There was a period of time, I am absolutely certain, when new innovation will avoid standard balderdash. It will be mostly awesome. Basically.